A Lancashire Christmas !

Well, I’ll tell thee how it were...

we didn’t mek a lot of it at start, 

what wi’ cold, and yon damn sheep 

so restless. Drifts were that ‘igh, 

but it were wind as got to oos,

froze our bloody bollocks off, 

yon wind did. Dogs were oopset too, 

wouldn’t settle like, joost whined 

and whimpered, an’ yelped at moon,

meking a reet ‘ow d’ee do .... tha’ knows 

‘ow dogs are, when soommat ails ‘em,

when soommat’s oop. Yoong Tel, 

‘ee sees it first  - bloody ‘ell,  ‘e said, 

joost like that, bloody ‘ell, an’ pointed 

to t’biggest, foocking grëat star

tha’s ever sin, wi’ sooch a tail on it  -

I tell thee, we’d seen nowt like it 

beföre, an’ not like to again, I reckon, 

not in this world, any röad  - an’ then, 

that Del, ‘e says, coom on lads, let’s 

‘ave a decco, let’s tek a luke, like, no bloody  

‘arm in that, an’ we’re off down t’ill, 

t’lot of oos, silly as arse’oles, wi’ dogs, 

sheep an’ all .... great bell-wether 

out in’t froont, pelting down

t’Moocky Doock at foot o’t möor  -  

sithee, there were nowt to see, reelly, 

joost a yoong lass wi’ a littl’un, an’ 

an owd bearded boogger fettlin’ 

a clapped-out mule  -  or donkey,

mebbee, I forget which  -  an’ yon 

landlord, yon fat, pasty-faced git 

from Goosenargh way, e’s only 

choocked‘em out t’barn, but think on, 

I’ll tell thee this  - and ‘appen tha’ll 

believe it, ‘appen tha’ll not  - 

we were all down ont’ knees 

in snow and moock.